30 days

A month from today is our due date. 30 days, give or take a few, are all that's left between us and this brand new soul who will change our world in ways we don't even know yet. I find that I'm filled with a jumble of emotions this second time around.

There's a lot of excitement. I'm excited to meet this new love of my life. I'm excited to hold and snuggle someone who fits in those remarkably small-looking size 0-3 onesies. Excitement surrounds the idea that I will have another sweet baby to nurse and share that profound breastfeeding bond with.  There's also the excitement of seeing Henry meet his new brother or sister for the first time.

There's a little anxiety. When I was pregnant with Henry, it was hard for me to not be anxious about birth. It was a big, scary question mark. This time around, I think that the birthing process itself is the one thing I'm least anxious about. Instead, I've found that I'm most anxious about Henry and how the transition of going from "only child" to "big brother" will affect him. This time around, that is the big, scary question mark. 

With only a few weeks left, my nesting instinct has kicked into overdrive. I've noticed it for a couple of weeks now. I think I first realized I was settling into nesting mode when I found myself planted cross-legged in front of my stove cleaning every seam and crevice with toothpicks. The other day I experienced the very strong urge to vigorously scrub my bathroom tile grout with a toothbrush. When I was pregnant with Henry, my urge to nest was suppressed by the fact that our entire upstairs was under construction and us and all our possessions were crammed into our living room.  There was no nursery to decorate until about a week  before I was due. It's a nice change to be able to organize and clean to my hearts content. 

I've also been working on putting away a supply of freezer meals to keep us full and happy during the first couple weeks of being home with the new baby. I waited until the day before I went in to labor to start making freezer meals last time and I'd like to say that I've learned my lesson. Don't procrastinate! So far, I've stock piled 7 meals. My goal is to have at least 2 weeks worth of dinners put away by the time baby arrives. We'll see if this nice burst of energy I've been having lately can hold out until then. 

These final few weeks will be filled with washing and folding little gender neutral onesies, stocking up on diapers , wipes, and baby lotion, and spending as much one-on-one time with Henry as I can. I still cannot believe how fast this pregnancy has sped by for me. I wish I could pause time and fast forward it all at once.

At This Moment // Henry

Time is speeding by these days, or at least it seems like it is. It may have something to do with the fact that this second pregnancy is winding down to its final weeks (crazy, crazy). That lovely 3rd trimester fatigue is setting in and keeping me from accomplishing much of anything I set out to do. I haven't had much time to reflect on where Henry is in his development lately. So, I'm taking advantage of the rare occasion of Henry sleeping in past 7:00am to jot down a few things I don't want to forget.

Whenever someone new comes into the room, Henry will make sure everyone is introduced and politely greeted. For example, when Chris's dad walks into our kitchen in the morning, Henry will greet him with "Hi Papa! Papa Joey, this mama and this daddy. Say hi to 'em. Mama, Daddy, Papa Joey here."

He's very in tune to my emotions. I was sitting in our living room daydreaming about something the other day, and the look on my face must have looked concerned or sad. Henry, who was playing contently across the room, looked up at me and came walking across the room. He cupped my cheeks in his soft little hands and said "Its okay, mama." Anytime I look sad or stressed he does this. Its the sweetest little thing.

I've noticed that he's been more into snuggling me over the past few months than is typical for him. If I'm sitting on the couch, he'll come right up next to me and nestle into the crook of my shoulder or lay his head on my belly to watch a movie or to read a book. Not that this didn't happen every so often before my pregnant belly appeared, but I've noticed it a lot more lately. I wonder if he can sense the change that's going to be happening in 5 short weeks. I like to think that he somehow understands that mama's going to be sharing her time with both he and the baby and so he's, in a way, stocking up on all the mama cuddles he can get before that happens. Either way, I'll take it.

A dear friend bought him the book "I'm a New Big Brother" by Nora Gaydos for his birthday. When I read it to him, I like to change the words to incorporate his name into it. I emphasize Henry's part in helping us take care of the new baby. At the end of the book, there's an illustration of the mother, father, son, & new baby and every time we get to that page, Henry points at each of them and then points at us and himself explaining who everyone is. It makes me tear up. I'm going to be a big, blubbering mess when we introduce Henry to the baby. I know it will be one of those moments I rank in the top 5 best of my life.

He knows all of his colors and shapes and is very proud of this fact. A lot of times, we will be watching a movie or looking through a book and he will stop and exclaim "Look at all the pretty colors, mama! Red, Blue, Purple,...". He loves telling me when to go or stop while sitting at stoplights. "Green means GO, mama!" His little voice saying the word "octagon" is the funniest things to me.

He can count to 13 aloud, because that happens to be the number of stairs we count every morning on our way down. He hardly starts at 1, which I think is a cute quirk.

He gets on kicks with certain foods from time to time. Right now, is oatmeal's moment to shine. He requests oatmeal almost every morning. I make him old-fashioned oats with milk, usually adding a little pizzaz with some pure maple syrup and raisins or sometimes I cut up a red delicious apple and mix it in with a sprinkle of brown sugar and cinnamon. We started out sharing an adult-sized serving, but the growing boy has decided that he can knock it out all by himself now. I'm just happy he has a good appetite!

He's started to memorize the words to a few of his favorite books. I'll read the first couple words on a page, then pause, and he will finish them for me. He gets so excited about knowing the words that he'll often go into super-speed when saying them which makes it hilarious to listen to.

He loves construction equipment of all kinds. A lot of his favorite books are about heavy machinery and feature a lot of flaps and interactive components. He LOVES to read which, as an avid reader myself, makes my soul happy.

Chris takes him up to bed as he has every night since we weaned. I'll sit downstairs listening to those two singing and giggling, wishing I was up there, too. But it's daddy & Henry's special bonding time and I'm grateful they have that. Henry commands Chris to sing various lullabies and when Chris finishes them, Henry will sing them back to him at warp speed. It's pretty cute. 

I'm going to try and soak up as much of this special Henry & Mama alone that I can.  It's a precious and rare time that's fading fast and it's turning me into a big ball of emotions. I've really treasured my time at home, getting to see every little milestone first hand over the past two years. I thank God every day that I've had the opportunity to be this little one's mama. It's been the greatest, most rewarding experience of my life. 

Henry, at this moment

I know I say this a lot, but Henry's brain amazes me. At 13 months and 2 days, this kid recognizes the color blue, and I'll be darned if he doesn't give saying the word "blue" a college try. Today he found one of his Baby Einstein mini books and sat quietly facing away from me saying "bwoo". When I looked over, he was on the "Blue" page pointing at all the blue objects. That same afternoon he found Dr. Seuss's ABC book and turned the pages on his his own to find his favorite page in the book. The first time I read that book to him, when he was probably around 8 months old, he laughed so hard when I read "Goat, girl, goo goo goggles, G! G! G!". Its still his favorite page, I see. Only now he was saying "Go Ga!" at the page. Which to me means he was attempting saying Goat, Girl. I swear my heart couldn't get any bigger right now. Speaking of books, a few weeks ago he started bringing us books from his pile, holding them up to us, and grunting. Its the cutest thing I ever did see. He's also been playing favorites lately with a few of his books. One in particular gets read to him at lease 5 times a day, sometimes 5 times in a row! Its big board book all about trucks and planes and tractors, you know, all the things that make little boys' hearts sing. 

He's started refusing to eat anything we hand him. He has to use his fork, like a proper young gentleman. At first it was hard for me not to help him with it, to push food onto it for him or to reposition it in his hand. I learned quickly that he wanted no part of that. If I put food on his fork, he was going to take it off and not eat it. So meals take a little longer than they used to but that's fine because he's learning. He's picked up speed and precision pretty quickly. 

Now that the temperatures are warming, we've been spending the bulk of our days outside. We usually stick around the farmyard at home, but sometimes we will go visit Grandma in town or Auntie at the park. Henry LOVES going outside. So much that its the first thing he wants to do in the morning. A lot of mornings, he'll run out into the kitchen and grab his shoes, bringing them in to me and shaking them in front of me saying "doo! dooo!" which is his word for shoe. Other times he'll follow Chris on his way outside to start morning chores and refuse to let go of his leg. When Chris finally sneaks out the door, the moment Henry hears the door squeak he collapses with so much drama to the floor and screams. If it weren't so cold yet in the mornings, I'd gladly take him out. But some days, when its raining and windy, Henry just doesn't understand that being outside isn't an option. He was so upset on one such day last week that I had to put his coat and shoes on and step outside with him so he could feel why it wasn't a good idea. After a few seconds he was reaching up for me and trying to get back inside. Lesson learned. He says "OW! OW!" when he stands at the door which I take as meaning "out". He's such a little person now. I still call him my sweet baby and probably always will.

flying with Henry

I posted last week about my worries for our first flights with Henry. Very thankfully, and much to my surprise, everything went smoothly. For 2 out of our 3 flights, Henry fell asleep during our ascent. The photo below was taken just after take-off on our 6:55am flight home from Oklahoma City on Sunday. I am by no means an expert on flying with a baby/toddler, but I thought I would share some tips from our experience anyway. 

Henry's a walking, running, crouching, rolling machine these days, so we knew that if we didn't let him roam around the airport concourse, he would be hard to keep still on the plane. My #1 tip, if you have a mobile little one, is to let them get all of their wiggles out before you board. A friend gave me that tip before we traveled and I thank her SO much for it. This makes things so much easier on everybody. Odds are they will tire themselves out and, if your lucky like we were with Henry, take a nice nap for you during the flight. 

Tip #2.. Bring only a couple of your toddlers favorite books and small toys. We brought more than a few books along and my shoulders paid for it in the long run. Diaper bags are bulky enough as is without over stuffing them with too many books/toys. I swear ours must've weighed 40lbs! Or at least it felt like it did. If your toddler gets bored quickly with what you bring, show them how the window shade raises and lowers or how the tray table goes up and down. Henry was kept entertained for a while by those things! Or, heck, give them your empty in flight drink cup to play with or a crinkley bag or peanuts. Kids are fascinated by a lot of ordinary things. 

Tip #3.. Give them something to eat or drink to help ease ear pressure pain and popping. I tried to nurse Henry during take off each flight. When he wouldn't nurse, I offered him his sippy cup or some yogurt snacks. They seemed to help. On one flight, he slept straight through and I didn't have to worry about giving him anything. On another, he slept for awhile before I felt him moving around and pulling on his ear. I adjusted him and let him nurse and he went right back to sleep.

So there they are. My tips.. Maybe these are no-brainers that everybody knows to do. Maybe they are more helpful than I think. 

**also! I was worried that other passengers would be rude to us because of Henry and I couldn't have been more wrong. I swear this kid of ours made friends with about 5 people per flight! They didn't mind at all when Henry peeked over top of the seat at them or fussed. In fact, a lot of them said reassuring things like "don't worry if he fusses on my account. I've got 6 grand kids" or "I remember my daughter's first flight...and he's doing awesome!" 

It was great to be seated next to people like that. 

flying with a toddler

 Tomorrow, we will be waking up extra early and making our way to Chicago Midway airport with Henry in tow. This will be Henry's 1st trip on an airplane and, I have to say, I'm feeling some jitters about it. It's not anything major. Just the usual worries about the unknown.. Will nursing him during take-off be enough to help his ears adjust to the pressure? Will this wiggle-worm of a boy sit still on our laps during the flight or will he fight tooth-and-nail to break free? If he's fussy, will we have to hear about it from disgruntled passengers? I've talked to a few mamas about their experiences flying with little ones and it's been pretty reassuring to hear how smoothly their trips went. I'm sure I'll be learning a thing or two out of the experience, so I'll be sure to share any pointers once we get back.

We have a few things on our side with this trip. For one, our flight time is not overly long. We are traveling to New Orleans so we'll be in the air just over 2 hours. Another major plus about this trip is that we will have a few extra hands around to help us keep Henry entertained. Chris's sister and brother, Emily and Michael, are coming with us and Henry has a soft spot for each of them. I figure if Chris and I have any trouble keeping him happy, we can pass him to Auntie Em and Uncle Mike because they can always get a smile out of him. 

We're pretty excited about this much-needed change of scenery AND temperature, and, of course..... the food. We're finishing up with the toughest winter I can remember experiencing in northern Illinois. Even if the calendar is telling us that it's officially spring, this nasty winter still has it's claws out. So south we travel! 

Have a great week!

Henry's 1st Birthday

We celebrated Henry's 1st birthday over the weekend with a farm-themed party at our home. A farm-themed party was the way to go for us, as I already had a lot of stuff for decoration already on hand. I was unsure of how Henry would react to having so many people in our home ALL paying attention to him. Sometimes he can get overwhelmed by a lot of noise and new faces. He did great with it this time around! Our home isn't exactly set up for big crowds so we knew it would be a little cramped with all of the guests and us but everybody crammed in our little living room and watched as Henry went at his wrapping paper with some degree of gusto. We felt so blessed to have so many people there that mean so much to us. It was a perfect afternoon. I'm sharing the highlight reel of his party photographs.
As you can see above, he felt more comfortable using a utensil to attack his cake than his little hands. I had a hunch that he would be one of those reserved babies that sits and side-eyes their cake, not quite sure how to handle it. And I was right! We dipped his finger in the frosting a few times, letting him taste it, to see if it would get something started but it didn't really. So we handed the kid a fork and he decided to give it another go. He never really got into it too much so I saved it and it sits in our fridge right now looking a lot like the top picture. I just couldn't let good cream cheese frosting go to waste!

I'm usually stressed out to the 9th degree anytime I'm in charge of making a single dish for a holiday, as something always takes longer than I thought it would. Whether its our oven not regulating its temperature or me forgetting an integral ingredient, something usually goes awry. Anyways, I worked really, really hard on getting organized for this party because I wanted to enjoy the whole day and stress would have ruined that. And it worked! Big thanks go out to my mother-in-law, Karen for making the cutout sugar cookies for me so they were all ready for me to frost (I always end up crying when I attempt sugar cookie cutouts.. this is a story for another time!). Thanks to my dad for saving me a ton of time by making his famously delicious deviled eggs. Also, a BIG thanks to my sis-in-law, Em for being my personal assistant all weekend long. Whether it was juicing 24 lemons and 20 limes by hand so I could make real lemonade and cherry limeade (delicious!), or keeping Henry busy while I spent hours in the kitchen baking the cakes and making the pie pops, she was such a tremendous help to me. I've told her thank you a million times already, but, Emily, THANK YOU!!

I still can't believe I just attended our son's 1st birthday party. I feel so tremendously blessed that I'm the one he calls "mama". The past year was my happiest yet and I know Chris feels the same way. Mama & Daddy love you so much, Hen. Thanks for being our everything.

Henry, at this moment

I'm still scratching my head in disbelief (and wiping my eyes) that its actually March (aka Henry's birth-month).  I cannot wrap my mind around the fact that he will be 1 in just a short time (10 days, to be exact). I've been thinking so much about his impending birthday and what it means to me, us, him that I haven't taken enough time to reflect on where he's at, as a baby and as a little boy, right now.

Henry continues to astound me on many levels, but most recently his developing intelligence has me wowed. For instance, last night as I mixed up the batter for a chocolate sheet cake ( I may have a baking addiction), Henry sat at my feet rolling around a jar of baby food he'd pulled from a drawer. He kept repeating something that sounded like ow. He repeated it enough for me to realize he wasn't just babbling on, so I looked down and saw him pointing to the little animal illustration on the bright green lid. It was an owl. I couldn't believe it! I've worked with him on animals sounds a lot lately and he can proudly say "oof, oof!" when asked what the dog says or a muffled "mmmmm" when asked what the cow says, but I don't recall really working with him on what owls are or what they say. There are a couple owls in his favorite books so I'm guessing that's where he picked up on it from.
Then this morning he found the same jar of baby food and repeated the word again. Followed by a quiet "ooh, ooh" to which I applauded and said "Yes yes!! Who, who! That's what the owl says, baby! YAY!!"


He's been walking like a pro for quite a while now. He took his first steps in early January and never looked back. Whenever we leave the house to run errands or go to a restaurant for a sit down meal, Henry's does everything in his power get out of our arms/high-chair and walk around, scoping the place out, staring at everyone and everything.

I feel like his personality has really been revealing itself lately. He's always been such a happy boy. Almost anyone can get a smile out of him. But he's been showing quite a stubborn and independent side of his personality as of late. He will not let us feed him bites of finger food any more. He's so against it that if we do happen to manage to slip a cheerio past his lips, he grabs it out of his mouth, places it on his tray and then picks it up and feeds himself the same piece again. He so badly wants to be able to feed himself with his spoon, too. He gets so mad when I help guide the spoon to his mouth and, heaven forbid I try to take the spoon from him to feed him myself. He throws quite the fit when this happens and refuses to eat. Even if meal times are harder than they used to be, I'm happy to see him wanting to learn and to be so independent. This is when I see a big boy more than I see a baby in him.

He's always wanting to play games with us that make him laugh hysterically. His most recent favorite is playing peek-a-boo behind our living room door. We'll take turns hiding behind the door and peeking at each other through the crack where the door meets the hinge. When he's hiding, I'll ask "where's Henry?" over and over like he's lost, then I'll peek through the crack at him and he'll giggle so hard and then take off as fast as he can from behind the door to the other end of our living room.

He loves playing "rough" with his daddy. Chris will sit on the couch with Henry straddling his ankles. He'll gently bounce him and then toss him in the air up to his outstretched arms. This is his favorite thing to do lately.

He's high-fiving, and waving, and blowing kisses, too. His bag of tricks is growing.

As big as he is and as far as he's come, in many ways he's still his mama's baby. He still wants to be rocked to sleep in my arms every night. Some people see this as a bad thing.. something he should have outgrown by now. I, instead, savor these nights. I keep telling myself that, one day, he'll outgrow this and I know I will miss these quiet moments, these sweet snuggles. I'm not trying to rush anything along with him. I'm trying so hard to savor each moment because, if this past year has taught me anything at all, time goes by way too fast when you have a little one around.

to 2014, rebirth, & bliss

Here's a "new year's" post. 21 days late but hey.. who's counting? I think my lateness is refreshing.

A lot has happened since last March. A lot in the ways of the revitalization & rebirth of my soul.
Last year, as Henry finished up his last few months of development inutero, I felt the very real sting of loss. The excitement and longing I felt waiting for Henry's arrival was running parallel with the mourning of the impending loss of life as I knew it. I was so scared of shedding my old identity for one that I'd never experienced... a new identity that looks and feels differently for everyone.  I once heard a quote that went something like, "when you first child is born the person you once were dies and you are reborn". This shook me. As beautiful as the notion of being reborn is, the idea that the person I'd been for 26 years, the only me I'd ever known, was meeting her "end" was harrowing to face.
Glancing back on this now, I crack a smile. The person I once was has been rebuilt into something of real substance. Feeling truly whole for the first time has helped me understand that the life I was living, the person I was before I became a mother, was silly to mourn. She had her moment in the sun. She lived a full, vibrant, young life. But the vibrance of the life I once lived looks drab now in comparison to the life I'm living now, as Henry's mama.

Being a mama to Henry has made me happier and more whole than I ever could have imagined.

I feel like every cell of my body has started over fresh. As cheese ball as it sounds, I feel I was truly reborn when he took in his first breaths. During these first 10 months of his life (yes, 10 months! holy cow!), I've never laughed more. I've never smiled more. I can clearly say that I've never felt so full of joy and promise and pure, unabashed happiness as I do now. And what a blessing that is. Being responsible for Henry's life has given my life such purpose. And it has helped me become a better human being, someone I can be proud of. My relationship with my husband has never been stronger than its been this past year. My love, in all its intensity, for Chris & Henry is so profound I don't well know how to do it justice with words.

2013 was the most beautiful year of my life. It was my "lucky 13". If I were ever going to be sad about a year passing by, it would be 2013. But I'm not sad at all! Not one measly bit. Instead I'm looking forward to this brand new year more so than I can ever remember. And that's so great. And refreshing. 

I'm on pins and needles with excitement for this new year and all of the changes and developments it will bring for Henry. I'm finding that sitting back and watching him grow has been the only gift I've truly ever wanted. 

To 2014, here's to another year of bliss. May the new year bless you with your own version of good, simple, unadulterated bliss.

snuggles from a non-snuggler

         Henry will be reaching the grand old age of 7 months in 5 short days. The tried and true old adage "time flies" never really hit home with me the way it has since I've had a child. Its humbling for me to sit at home with Henry everyday, watching each new milestone, fresh with all the wonder of a first-time mother. He's been getting around pretty well now, doing his own unique combination of the army crawl jazzed up with a bit of the old school break-dancing favorite known as "the worm". He's had his sights on crawling for a while, and here and there we will actually see the ever-so-graceful movement of a knee and arm scooting forward in unison. But I think it will be a little bit longer before I jot down in ink in his baby book that he's a bonafide crawler. He has all the necessary motions down, its just putting all of those motions together at once that's got him stumped. In due time... I'm not in any kind of rush.

         With every day that passes, he becomes less and less of a baby. Yes, I know, he's less than a year old yet. But it feels as though his babyhood is slipping by, nonetheless.  No one tells you how bittersweet it all is. With each new development I feel my heart soar and sink simultaneously. I chock it up to the growing pains of being a mother. I'm so thrilled that he's thriving and hitting new milestones left and right. But that little voice inside keeps whispering and taunting "He's relying on you less and less each day".. I how that sounds. I know that he still needs me very, very much. I'm trying my hardest to live in the "now", relishing that fact.

         In many ways, he's my big boy.. moving around like crazy, getting into everything he shouldn't be the minute I have my head turned, slurping down his green beans like nobody's business. Something new gets added to the list daily.

         A lot of the time, in lovely contrast, he's still my little baby. At nearly 7 months, he's still flashing me nothing but gums when that smile spreads across his round little face. And, unless I don't know what I'm feeling for, there's no palpable sign of pearly whites on their way to the surface. This past week has, behaviorally, been an odd one and I'm seriously wondering if those teeth of his are on their way. Henry's been running a slight temperature, off and on, and a bit of a runny nose. He's been gnawing with purpose on just about anything he can fit into that tiny mouth of his and, the strangest behavior of all, he's been snuggling the living daylights out of his mama.

         Henry is NOT a snuggler. This is not to say he doesn't like being touched because he does. This is the kid who still needs his mama to nurse & rock him to sleep for each and every nap he goes down for. He just hasn't ever showed the desire to nuzzle into the crook of my shoulder when I'm carrying him around or hug onto my arm with all his might like he has over the past week. Its a welcome change and I'll take it as long as it lasts.


          

     

three month photos & an unexpected dinner date

We had Henry's 3 month photos taken in July with the wonderful and talented Phil & Andrea of McConville Studio in Peru. We met them in front of the beautiful and historic Starved Rock Lodge outside Utica in the early evening. Having just woken up from his afternoon nap, Henry was touch and go during the session but they managed to get a bunch of great shots for us. By the end of the photo session, he was squirming and flailing his arms about in his stroller so we headed towards the car.

 As we were walking to our car on a sidewalk that takes us past the lodge and over an impressive canyon, we smelled deliciousness wafting through the air from the direction of the lodge's veranda that overlooks the Illinois river. It was turning out to be such a gorgeous night and the idea of a nice dinner outdoors tempted us. It was one of those moments, as a fairly new parent, that you sigh and think of the days, long ago now, that you used to be able to do whatever you pleased at the drop of a hat without thinking twice about it. As we passed the sidewalk leading to the veranda, we kept going back and forth with "If you want to...." and "We probably could try it.." and "I'm sure he'll just nod off.."

We turned the stroller around and headed for the veranda. If Henry didn't like it, we could wheel on out of there as quick as could be.

We must have been on Henry's good graces because he slept like a champ while mommy & daddy slowly enjoyed dinner and then, to our surprise, the live local country music performers until the sun set, when it got a little too chilly for Henry (funny how I'm using the word "chilly" to describe a mid-June night in Northern Illinois!).

It was quite an unexpectedly perfect evening.

6 days old

It seems like these photos were taken just yesterday and forever ago all at the same time. Henry was only 6 days old...I picked up the album and disc of Henry's newborn photos this afternoon. The album and disc were a mother's day present from Chris since there was no way I could just pick out a few photos... I NEEDED them all. After all, he was only a newborn once.. So here's a few of our favorites

the birth of a soul, part II

One thing that kept my mind occupied during the last few weeks of pregnancy was the wonder.

The wonder of when labor would start.. would it be 5 minutes from now? or 2 weeks from now?

The wonder of what it would feel like to see our baby, that we'd waited so long to meet, for the first time. Its easy to think of how you'll react, how you'll feel.. Its easy to try to loop it into the same category as other great moments in your life, like the day you got engaged.. you're wedding day...

In reality, there's nothing you've ever felt, or will ever feel I imagine, that comes even remotely close to it. Its a once in a lifetime, earth-shaking feeling that take over your mind and body, the moment you lock eyes with your first baby.

And its that moment, the one you've looked forward to for 9 months, that you nervously await with every little cramp or practice contraction you feel in those last few weeks. Until one day, its just here.

the birth of a soul, part I

Before I gave birth to Henry, I had no intention what so ever of sharing his birth story.

Although I thoroughly enjoyed reading the honest accounts other mother's had shared of their birth experiences on their own blogs, I believed that my birth story would stay private.

That was until my birth story became the single most empowering event of my life...something I am most proud of. I wanted to share my story here on the off chance that a first time mama-to-be should stumble across my portion of the internet.. A mama-to-be that has maybe only heard scary, vague, or discouraging accounts of other births from their friends and acquaintances. 

I want to offer up a chance for someone to read about a birth that was not a scary one. If I can even slightly encourage someone with my story... that birth doesn't have to be scary and horrible.. I think its worth it to share. Its a long one, so bear with me...

introducing our son..

Henry Gilbert Happ

born March 16th, 2013 at 10:12am

8lbs 6oz  21 inches long

He's everything we ever hoped for and more.

I can't wait to share his birth story soon!

perfect

"Perfect. Everything still looks perfect! Its exciting because we don't get that all that often"

These are some words one of my midwives spoke at my 34 week appointment on Monday.

As I near the end of my first pregnancy, I can't help but feel like the luckiest, most blessed girl 

in the world. 

My pregnancy, so far & knock on wood, has gone off without a hitch. 

The "ugliest" pregnancy symptom I've had a brush with is heartburn, and to be honest, it hasn't been

all that ugly enough to even complain about. I know that others have it far worse than I so I bite my 

tongue when I think of complaining and think of how blessed I am to only have little old heartburn, and not some of the really uncomfortable symptoms like hemorrhoids or swollen ankles or varicose veins. 

I only have 6 weeks left, give or take a few days depending on when this baby want to make its debut into the world, and like most big events in life there's a bit of a bittersweet feeling that floats around.

I have loved being pregnant. Loved it to the extent that the thought me no longer being pregnant me a bit sad. I've just felt that there's been such a profound purpose to my life over the past 8 months. 

Every time I feel the baby stretch out, hiccup, kick, or curl up I find myself so high with an excitement and happiness that I've found so few times in my life. 

I've felt more beautiful as a pregnant woman that I ever have before at any time in my life.

Its like all of my insecurities were left behind back in July when we first found out we were expecting.

Maybe its the transformation from girl to grown woman, which at 26, I would have thought that would have happened in my mind well before I got pregnant. But I feel it now, and its been a fabulous feeling.

I cannot fully describe the very blessed feeling that I've been given. Not just for this beautiful, healthy, fulfilling pregnancy that has been bestowed upon us, but for this life that I'm living. For my wonderful, supportive, comforting, loving husband. I didn't know it was possible to love him any more that I already did, but its so much more than possible. When we sat in our birth class, surrounded by women from various walks of life, I felt an overwhelming feeling of how lucky I am to have Chris. Many of the women in our class were there alone, without support from a friend or parent or the father of their unborn babies. They sat there unable to do the relaxation exercises without a partner by their side. My heart broke thinking of how hard the process of pregnancy must be for them with no one there to share their joys and fears with. When we got in the car I squeezed Chris's hand and didn't let go. 

I'm so much looking forward to watching him become a father. One thing I've always known from the very beginning is how great a father he would make someday. Its one of the most beautiful things to see in another person. 

Here ends my hormonal, pregnancy ramblings :) They just pour out of me anymore. 

Here's to 6 more weeks of perfect

a nursery board

I purposefully put off thinking about ideas for our nursery during

the first few months of my pregnancy. I knew that a lot of work

stood between us and our finished nursery so I thought, what's

the point of getting things bought up just so they could sit in a pile

collecting dust for a a few months until our upstairs renovation was

complete.

About a month ago, we started brainstorming about "unisex" nurseries.

I googled and Pinterest-searched the heck out of the search terms

"unisex nursery" and "gender neutral nursery". Those searches

yielded a lot of creamy tan and cool gray nurseries that were beautiful,

but all together, I felt they were a little too blah. We wanted something

vibrant. We wanted a nursery filled with pops of color and varying textures

with a bit of an eclectic feel to it. 

So we brainstormed away and came up with buzzwords like "outdoorsy",

"camping",  and "travel". Both of us being the travel-obsessed, outdoorsmen that

we are, we'd always talked about a bucket-list goal of seeing every national park

in the United States by the time we are old and grey. I remembered seeing some

depression-era, W.P.A. commissioned national park travel posters online about a 

year ago that I'd been pining for ever since and a lightbulb clicked. Chris had been

thinking along those same lines so it was easy to agree on a common theme.

Below is the first of probably many nursery inspiration boards I will patch together.

Some of the items below are available for purchase at various online stores, others are

just copied and pasted from google images, and some are antique store/ebay/etsy finds.

1-3. WPA National Parks posters 

4. antique tin forest service sign, antique store find

5. Stella floor lamp

6. Pendleton 5th Avenue Glacier National Park throw

7. Smokey the Bear nature prints, antique store find

8. vintage Yellowstone pennant, eBay

9. mission-style wood rocking chair, we already own one similar to this

the sunday i spent the day in the hospital

First off,

Everything is OK!

So don't go worrying for me, ok? :)

Yesterday morning, I woke up with a bit of pain in the area one gets pain when they have 

a urinary tract infection. I've only had a uti once ever and it wasn't so bad so i was hoping

that was all it was. 

I dropped Chris off with our friends so he could ride along with them down to Louisville, KY

for a national cattle show, the North American International Livestock Exposition (or nail-AY,

as its affectionately called around our house). He's accompanying a bull calf of ours and a heifer

calf that we plan on selling in the national sale. When I dropped him off, the pain was nagging but

I was pretty sure it was nothing serious so I just planned on napping it off on the couch all day.

When I got back home, it was a stronger pain and suddenly my lower back on the right side started 

feeling sore. The slight soreness turned to more of a deep throbbing pain within an hour, which 

prompted me to call the after-hours-line of my OB. They told me they'd like me to come in to be

monitored.  Of course, this wasn't a death sentence or anything, but immediately after I got off the

phone with the doctor's office, I called Chris balling. I just couldn't help it.. I've been a very healthy

individual all of my life and only ever had to make a trip the emergency room once for a fever. So I 

was pretty scared and I didn't have Chris there to hold my hand.  He had his mom drive me down and

she spent the entire day (10am-7pm) there with me.  

Long story short, they think that the baby was putting its weight on my ureters (the tubes that drain your kidneys into your bladder), kinking it on my right side, causing some issues in that kidney and possibly a kidney stone, which has yet to show its ugly face. They monitored the baby and everything was perfecto, as usual, so my worries went out the window.  I did feel pretty bad for Chris, though. He was so worried. He was so far away by the time he knew anything about me making the trip to the hospital that he felt so helpless. I assured him that everything would be OK and it was.

Just a few factoids about my visit:

-I got my first ever IV out of the way :) So that's one less new thing I'll have to deal with when we

 go in to deliver

- I was able to stay in one of the newly renovated, fancy delivery rooms for the day and it was SO

  nice! I just wish Chris could have been there to practice sleeping on the couch ;)

-The nursing staff in OB unit are the absolute BEST.. I didn't even want to leave by the end of

  my stay. They were just so sweet. So there's another thing to look forward to, come March 2013.

-My mother-in-law, Karen is the best M.I.L. I could ever ask for. She kept my mind off of the pain

  and dealt with the long, boring stay, in which I napped a LOT, wonderfully.

lately

Just an update:

Our 20 week ultrasound went great except for the part where the babe decided to

curl up and face the opposite way that we needed it to. So instead of coming home

with a grainy but cute image of the side profile of our baby's face, we came home

with a photo of the bottom of the foot, the spine, and, my favorite, a shot of our baby's

very long, gangly arm from shoulder to fist. We think its taking after me in that respect ;)

So, although I was a little disappointed there wasn't a facial photo, as far as they could tell,

the babester is a healthy little thing. I do have to have another ultrasound on the 20th so they

can try and get a better view of all 4 chambers of the heart and the nose and mouth area, just 

to be sure everything is a-okay. Below is me at 21 weeks wearing just about the only thing

that's comfortable anymore: an Old Navy shirt dress and leggings. A Godsend, I tell ya..

Yesterday,
we decided to start registering for babe stuff. We figured we'd get a jump on it now before
all of the holiday shopping crowds start mucking up traffic and clogging up aisles. Is anybody
else out there as shocked as I am that its already that time of year?
Anyways, we made the trek north to Rockford and settled on Babies-R-Us. We meandered
around trying to figure out car seats and strollers, laughing at ourselves and our awkwardness
all along the way.

Finally we got our registration "checklist" and our handy dandy registry gun
and made our way to the bottle/feeding section. I swear I almost had a nervous breakdown
staring at that wall of bottles and bottle accessories. First of all, registering for gifts is my nightmare.
I had a bit of anxiety about registering for our wedding gifts so I figured that this would happen.
My issue is that, being a first time mom (and for our wedding registry, a first time grown up/wife) I have no idea what to expect. I have no idea if breastfeeding is going to "work" for me and the babe so
should I wait to buy the $300 breast pump until I have an idea or should I just click it and forget it?
Which bottles work for that particular pump? Which awkward breast pad box should I register for? Which car seat is the most gender neutral? Which stroller is going to clean up the easiest/last the longest? And on and on and on...

My biggest problem with registering is the unknown. How much of this stuff is actually going to be useful and how much of it is going to collect dust in its box? And which items will our baby hate/love (bottles with various nipple shapes, etc). I guess time will tell.

So after about an hour and a half of this, with only 43 items registered for we cut out of there and went to Hooter's so Chris could watch the Chicago Bears game he'd been feverishly trying to keep up with via his iPhone the entire time we'd been in the store.

I coped with a plate of loaded tater tots and a steak and cheese quesadilla and decided the rest of my registering would be done online.
And all was well again :)