Wednesday, January 8, 2014

to 2014, rebirth, & bliss

Here's a "new year's" post. 21 days late but hey.. who's counting? I think my lateness is refreshing.

A lot has happened since last March. A lot in the ways of the revitalization & rebirth of my soul.
Last year, as Henry finished up his last few months of development inutero, I felt the very real sting of loss. The excitement and longing I felt waiting for Henry's arrival was running parallel with the mourning of the impending loss of life as I knew it. I was so scared of shedding my old identity for one that I'd never experienced... a new identity that looks and feels differently for everyone.  I once heard a quote that went something like, "when you first child is born the person you once were dies and you are reborn". This shook me. As beautiful as the notion of being reborn is, the idea that the person I'd been for 26 years, the only me I'd ever known, was meeting her "end" was harrowing to face.
Glancing back on this now, I crack a smile. The person I once was has been rebuilt into something of real substance. Feeling truly whole for the first time has helped me understand that the life I was living, the person I was before I became a mother, was silly to mourn. She had her moment in the sun. She lived a full, vibrant, young life. But the vibrance of the life I once lived looks drab now in comparison to the life I'm living now, as Henry's mama.

Being a mama to Henry has made me happier and more whole than I ever could have imagined.
I feel like every cell of my body has started over fresh. As cheese ball as it sounds, I feel I was truly reborn when he took in his first breaths. During these first 10 months of his life (yes, 10 months! holy cow!), I've never laughed more. I've never smiled more. I can clearly say that I've never felt so full of joy and promise and pure, unabashed happiness as I do now. And what a blessing that is. Being responsible for Henry's life has given my life such purpose. And it has helped me become a better human being, someone I can be proud of. My relationship with my husband has never been stronger than its been this past year. My love, in all its intensity, for Chris & Henry is so profound I don't well know how to do it justice with words.

2013 was the most beautiful year of my life. It was my "lucky 13". If I were ever going to be sad about a year passing by, it would be 2013. But I'm not sad at all! Not one measly bit. Instead I'm looking forward to this brand new year more so than I can ever remember. And that's so great. And refreshing
I'm on pins and needles with excitement for this new year and all of the changes and developments it will bring for Henry. I'm finding that sitting back and watching him grow has been the only gift I've truly ever wanted. 

To 2014, here's to another year of bliss. May the new year bless you with your own version of good, simple, unadulterated bliss.

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